Sunday, May 1, 2011

Free Time? Eeks!

A big part of being a grad student is saying things like, "I wish I had time for fun things like that," or, "Must be nice to have time to sleep," or, "If I only had time to do something I actually enjoy, I would . . . . " It follows that when said grad student (for example, yours truly) gets that coveted free time, she will have no problem enjoying it and using it to do all those fabulous things she's been dreaming and dreaming of. 

True. Yes. Definitely. Except not always

As Brad pointed out many years ago, I am notoriously bad with free time b/c, well, I am notoriously bad at relaxing. I'm all, "Isn't there something I should be doing? I feel like there is" and "Don't I have some responsibility that I'm currently shirking by having fun?" Or, I feel like I'm not using my free time as wisely as I could be. (Yeah, Type A all the way!) And b/c it's in such short supply, I'm determined to make the most of it. 

Which then, of course, backfires, and half the time I end up frustrated and not having a good time at all. 

Surely a big part of the problem is that my brain never slows down. Never. Ever. It's part of the reason I am, like, the world's worst sleeper. If only I could do everything else at the speed at which I think (and the speed at which I jump to the worst conclusion possible) - I'd be unbelievably productive and accomplished. Alas, that speed doesn't translate at all. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm not completely up-tight and un-fun (although my friends and family might say differently . . . ). I definitely enjoy myself and chill out on a regular basis (see picture below for evidence of the success of Funday), but it takes me a good long while (hours, days, weeks - depending on the situation) to get out of overdrive and overthink mode. And right now, even as I blog, I'm thinking about all the other stuff I want to do/could be doing: 

looking at Craigslist 
playing Words Bubbles Rising 
playing Clue with Brad 
fiddling with our new Target purchases for the house 
hanging up the cool new lights we got 

and on and on and on. Maybe one of my summer's resolutions (?) can be learning how to relax like a normal human being . . . . 

See? I can have a good time 

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