Poison Control Center (a.k.a. If you want something done right, don't ask me)

Don't be alarmed: no one was harmed in the making of this post - or in the ruining of the lamp that inspired it. My hands did look like this, though: 

And then - after Brad called Poison Control to make sure that I was not going to be poisoned by the black paint that would not come off my hands despite 7 minutes of washing and scrubbing with a rough sponge - they looked like this: 

Like that shine? It's Crisco vegetable oil. 

Yes, they are glistening with vegetable oil. Which actually worked pretty well. After the second try. 

Anyway, age-old wisdom tells us that anything worth doing is worth doing right. My house/craft/cleaning motto, by contrast, is more like, "Anything worth doing is worth doing now." Herein we find numerous problems, not the least of which is my undertaking projects without sufficient preparation, know-how, time, and/or interest. 

See, for example, Thursday evening, which can be summed up by the following equation: 

   1 cheap spray paint primer 
+ 1 dirty lamp 
+ 10 minutes before dinner 
+ 1 over-eager spray painter (me) 
+ 1 impatient spray painter (me)     
DISASTER 

After spraying the crap primer on probably too thick (it costs $1 for a reason), I sprayed the dries-in-10-minutes black Krylon on too thick, and it started dripping. I then had the bright idea to wipe it off. In the stationary tub with my hands. You've already seen how I faired in that deal; well, the other guy got it worse: 

I like to think this lamp isn't ruined. But I also like to think that I've never massaged vegetable oil into my hands (and the base of a lamp) at the suggestion of Poison Control.