Thursday, July 7, 2011

Searching for: Balance

I was going to call this post "Finding Balance," but that would be wholly misleading. I'm pretty sure I've never actually found balance with anything in my life, except for maybe walking with a book on my head. Which, it should be said, I am fairly good at. 

Anyway, the present search for balance relates to the components of my summer. I'm all over the place, and in myriad ways: sleeping till 9 this day, 12:30 that day (today . . . ), staying up till 1 a.m., being ready for sleep at 10:30 p.m. Or, pulling weeds for 15 minutes, then jumping into sanding 1/3 of the sofa table, then getting on the phone, then spending an hr. playing Word Bubbles (can you say "addict" loud enough?), then folding laundry, then watching old school L&O (season 4!). I'm pretty spastastic right now. 

And I haven't gotten a wink of reading for the fall done (I haven't even gotten any of the books) or a line of fiction written. I have worked on the revision of my contemporary fiction paper, which is coming along slowly but surely, but given that we're about to embark on Month 3 of summer, I'm not patting myself on the back too much. 

Balance is something that I've never had much of in my life. I've always been a sort of all-or-nothing person. Either I'm eating really healthily or I'm eating junk like it's going out of style. Either I'm working really hard writing, reading, etc. or I'm totally slacking off. Either I'm obssessed with online clothes shopping or I don't even go to the J. Crew, Gap, BR, etc. websites. Either I'm blogging up a storm or I forget I even have a blog. You get the gist. 

So I'm wondering: how exactly does a person who is nuts-by-nature find some sort of normalized middle ground? Maybe I need a schedule - ? But then I feel locked in. Which I hate. Goodness, every time Brad asks me if I want to go to Starbucks tomorrow or out to dinner Friday night, he feels compelled to say, "But don't feel like you're locked in." 

Basically, I'm having fun, but I'm not being productive. Or, at least, I'm not being school-productive. We've been working like crazy on the house - painting rooms, removing wallpaper, spray painting bath fixtures, etc. - so there's definitely been a lot of productivity in that area. 

Part of me thinks that maybe I just need a 2- or 3-month break from all that is the regimented and intense life of a grad student. Part of me thinks I'm just nutty, lazy, and disorganized. Hmmmmm. The former makes me sound so much better! 


  1. We are so much alike. I am "all or nothing" too and it drives my husband crazy sometimes.

  2. I feel overwhelemed with liferight now whre there is no structure at all and there is no fun time. And I too am so an all or nothing kinda person but with all thats going on in my life right now its impossible to give something, anything my all thus I have teh feeling of being locked in and am one bitchy chick right now. anyway, you sound productive to me :)

  3. I wouldn't worry too much. It's just a phase; it'll pass. Wait until the little ankle bitters (that’s British slang for children) come’ll be wishing for days similar to the ones you're moaning about.